Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
