New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
