Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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