Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
