Kiss
Puke
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
