so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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