Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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