peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
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I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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