and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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