And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
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So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
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Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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