She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
