What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
