kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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