good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
