the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
