So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
