I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I have aggressive nipples.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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