Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I deserve this hangover.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize