in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Quick, to the slutcave!
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
