Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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