My first STD was from a foam party
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I said "one day" and that day is not today
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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