look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
