We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
