Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
