my mouth tastes like poor choices
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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