So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
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