well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize