dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
