If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
