my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
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So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
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Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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