There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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