Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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