he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
