you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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