Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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