I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
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The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
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I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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