Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.

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(314): View more from Missouri

screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.

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(310): View more from California

LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.

(310): View more from California

And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times

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(530): View more from California

the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.

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(512): View more from Texas

Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.

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(740): View more from Ohio

Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.

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(417): View more from Missouri

all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...

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