2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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