you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
