So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
i think my cat just said my name.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
She has the best kind of daddy issues
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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