I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Even the bartender felt bad for me
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
