I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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