I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
50% drunk capacity currently
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
