i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
