By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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