I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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