I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
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well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
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Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I AM VODKA MAN
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
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