I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
