I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
