So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
tell your sister to shave her snatch
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
