and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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