Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
