I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
