the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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