it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
