Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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