My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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