I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
