My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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