And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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