At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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