i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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