Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
