I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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