K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
