I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize