party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
