Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Oh god it's open bar.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
