i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
