Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
