even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
