i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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