So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
