after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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