We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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