I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
