You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
