Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
