He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
