he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Randomize
