They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
