That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
