I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
