That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
