Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
why do cheetos always look like penises
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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